March 10, 2006

"Do you play poker?" If you hear this line and it is followed by "Strip poker?" Don't get sucked in! The prize will be you sleeping on the floor. Don't take the bet! It will be your own fault if you don't heed this warning. Anyway, today's topic, Jamba Juice.

I love Jamba Juice. On the menu for today, Orange Dream Machine. Imagine an orange creamsicle, but in liquid form. Do you need anymore description??? I challenge you to try it! If you don't like it. I'll pay for it. Ok, I won't pay for it. And you're supposed to pay for the first one. Just do it. Stop doubting! As for boosts, I'm not sure what boost is the best. If the boost you choose is the Fibre boost (as in the one I chose), you'll get 8 grams of white powder mixed in. It kind of gives the Jamba Juice drink a grainy taste. But I do not think that this should deter you. It didn't stop me any. I recommend the Femboost. So what does this have to do celebrating the countdown? In order to be at your best for the "Big Day" you have to be prepared. Be prepared! Get your system ready for the bombardment of alcohol. And the brain freeze you can get from Jamba Juice could be a useful technique when you do a hard shot of tequilla (or green tequilla).

Bonus round!

The next topic is Ribs. If you love meat (and if I know you, you eat meat "Arun"), then Doug's BBQ is the place for you. Currently, it is the place for us. We can eat, sleep, and drink Doug's. They have the best pork ribs, beef ribs, BRISKET, links and chicken. I'm not sure if the chicken is the best, but it does make everyone who eat it feel good. If you're looking for a non-meat item, you can get the spaghetti. The spaghetti is good for a food place not specializing in spaghetti. For dessert, you can eat some sweet things. I don't remember what they are, but Michelle seems to like them. The people who work at Doug's are also the nicest people in the East Bay. I think that you who read this should go and support your local (and only that I know of ) Doug's BBQ. And one big tip about going to Doug's, make sure you go there early because they always run out of the sweet sweet BRISKET. All the time! Oh, and it's closed on Mondays. So back to Ribs. I like Ribs because you can use two hands to eat them and get messy doing it. Messy food tastes the best.

And back to the subject of customer service, I'm going to publicly call out the management and other staff of Rick and Ann's. I'm not so much angry at the cooks and the bussing crew, but whoever decided that they wanted a group of 13 to wait, not a good decision. I'll need my fact checker on this one, but maybe we had reservations. We showed up and we did not get seated. Fine, we can wait. But then when 45 minutes passed, we were still waiting. I don't know why they didn't think we were hungry. I'm pretty sure they could see us melting inside, but they wanted us to just wait it out. Anyway, finally we got in and luckily the majority of the people who were in our group were dedicated Rick and Ann's aficionados, we waited it out and were seated. After we got in, I looked at the menu and was trying really hard to find the meat. Apparently, there was some. Jon found it. But my patience was already lost. I got something, ate it and then was hungry, but wanted to leave. Maybe I was mistaken and will remain to be mistaken because I have boycotted the establishment.

March 9, 2006

So, here we are. Just one more week until the greatest and most CELEBRATED drinking day of all time. Here are some reasons why St. Patrick's Day is a winning bet:

• Who can say no to an Irish (or someone claiming to be Irish) man or woman wearing a shirt that affectionately says, "Kiss me, I'm Irish."
• An excuse to drink green beer. However, I recognize that there doesn't actually have to be a special occasion to drink things that are green.
• If your name starts with Brother, Sister, or Saint, I'll assume your drunk.
• You will probably win your pool because you correctly guessed that you would see the most red-haired people in one place in a single day, on this day.
• If you're not drunk, you'll stick out. So you can act crazy and you'll fit in.

And by the way. In case any of you were going to try and pray for rain on this joyous day. You're WRONG! Plus, rain will not stop the blessed, it will make the wicked melt. We will drink no matter what! That's why they made covered patios. Look it up!

Oh yeah. So chiffons. Why are chiffons so cool? Maybe if they were green. Then you could put all the snot on it that you would like and no one would know. That's kind of gross. Time to light it on fire.

Now what would you do if you were told a bad joke by someone you don't know very well? Would you:

1. Tell them their joke sucked and tell a better one to make them feel even worse.
2. Ignore them like nothing was ever said.
3. Ignore them and nod the rest of the way through the conversation.
4. Ignore them.
5. Try to fall asleep with your eyes open.
6. Punch them (in a location of your choice).
7. Light them on fire.

If you chose anything other than 7, you're a mean mean person just because you probably don't have the means to light someone on fire at a moment's notice. So the lesson learned today kiddies...Always be prepared, carry a lighter and some lighter fluid.

March 8, 2006

So it's only a few days until St. Patrick's Day and I'm psyched! How psyched am I? I've been trying to make the people of the west coast understand that St. Patrick's Day is a joyous celebration and that even if you don't drink, you will have fun. But we all know that this is not true. You will not have as much fun if you do not drink. As a wise man once said, "Never trust anyone that doesn't drink." This is something I live by. And you should too! I'm talking to you! Ok, so did you know that a Chiffon is French for rag??? Why are people looking for their Chiffons! I got one here! It's in the back pocket of my pants! And now I'm wiping your face with it! I hope it smells like poop! Ok, so back to my main point. There are too many people who do not recognize St. Patrick's Day for what it is. Celebration of life and the American Dream. If you do not believe in St. Patrick's Day, then you do not believe in the American Dream. There are many people around the world who want the American Dream, but are being repressed by the Nay-sayers of the world! You the Nay-sayer! It's like not finishing all the food on your plate! All those poor starving children in Africa, Asia, Eastern Europe, South America, Australia, etc. You people make me sick! Get a grip! If you are going to take that much food, then you should eat it all. And while I'm on the subject. I love TV. I like sports, movies, commercials, drama, soaps, and so many more. There are only a few people who understand how much TV can shape your life positively. Some might call it control. I beg to differ.

Ok, so to round out this discussion. What does all of this have to do with St. Patrick's Day? Mostly nothing, but I'll try to connect it. If you don't drink, you can't be trusted to keep underpriviledged people alive, due to crushing their monkey spirits. And when those people die, you should know that they didn't trust you to begin with. Also, if you don't watch tv, you probably think that everything about the French is good, but as always, you're not right. You're wrong. A way to correct this. Celebrate St. Patrick's Day by drinking and watching TV, it will cleanse the mind.

I wish for all people reading this page to comment and comment and comment. As the days get closer, there will be additions to this page in the way of pictures, pictures, and more pictures!